A lot on my mind...

I have some big decisions on my mind right now and have no idea what to do about them...really just one that I kinda feel pulled around about...

I want to buy a house... I think. No I'm pretty sure I want to buy a house. I know the economy is kinda perfect to buy a house right now. But here's the thing. The economy is also forcing my job to cancel all contracts. I am a contract nurse. So that means I am going to lose a good portion of my income... VERY SOON! I am told that upon expiration of my contract, I will have the option to become a full time employee of my hospital or...hit the road. Becoming a full time employee is where the pay cut comes.... If administration actually holds true to their promise, I won't have to worry about a pay cut until March 2010. HOWEVER, I've heard rumor that all contracts are going to end THIS October no if's, and's or but's. (Usually, I don't pay attention to rumors but at this hospital...and especially money rumors, tend to come true... so I listen). So I'm thinking I need to delay the house hunt until I know for sure what my actual pay is going to be. I don't think it would be a good idea to base financial investments on something that is probably going to take a nose dive shortly. That being said, the problem with waiting is my lease is up at my apartment in November. That's about 4 months folks! My roommates and I have decided that all 3 of us together is not the best combo, although we love each other dearly, living together...NOT GOOD!!! But then again, I am torn because one of us benefits GREATLY from having a rent that is divided and split bills...I hate the idea of leaving this person strapped...I know how that feels. I am ready for my own space again. I want to make decisions and not worry about how it affects 2 other people. We argue a lot too and I am WAY to old for that! I know conflict is inevitable from time to time but COME ON!!! If I can have a conflict free (or greatly reduced) life... believe me I'm on board!!!

....I'm thinking about changing jobs. I LOVE LOVE LOVE bedside nursing. I HATE HATE HATE how tired it has made me and how out of touch my life has become. I NEVER get to see my family. I've lost touch with friends. I can't see my boyfriend much. I can't go to church enough to reap the benefits of having a community of faith. Working 12 hour nights (7 in a row) keeps me almost completely out of touch with the real world. I would be so sad to leave my job but my friends and family are what make my life. Having no time for them has changed me.... not for the better. So with my contract ending, I would love for it to be a transition into a new job.... one that is more in line with the rest of society. Health care in general is usually not in line with the rest of society in a 9-5 kinda way...seeing as how people usually can't predict when they are going to need our services. But I really want to be back on a schedule that will afford me more time to be with people. 9-5 kinda schedule in health care usually means something like a doctors office or outpatient services... I CANNOT imagine not working in a hospital!!!! I would die of boredom in an office I think. Home health... no thanks! So..... I don't know what to do...

I did get to go to church the other day. The sermon was about waiting on and listening to God. So that's what I'm going to do for now. I am going to try to quiet my my spirit and allow God's voice to direct me on where to go... its no fun though....just so ya know