Sacred Idleness??

Being still and quiet is good for the soul. A quiet mind makes the voice of the Holy Spirit easier to hear. When my body is still, when I give up control and invite God into my space, we grow close. I can more discretely discern what is His voice as opposed to mine.

I think God wants us to spend time with Him in complete stillness....

I don't think He intends for us to sit idle ALL DAY long...lost...in a Deadliest Catch marathon!

OOopS! Does it count that I recognize that God gave me this day and I am utterly thankful that my weekends are no longer tied up at the hospital. So depsite the fact that I did not dedicate my idleness today to hearing the voice of God...I do give thanks to God that I now have days that I can lay in my pj's till 3p.m. and have all 3 meals with my husband. I can play with my puppies and bake brownies...

I have nowhere to be... nothing I HAVE to do...

Praise be to God!

its that time again...

I HATE paying bills! It makes me anxious and frustrated then plain ol'mad! I have a goal to re-establish my pre house purchase savings just to have some dort of security blanket in the light of our current economic crisis. But alas, each month I am left with just enough. I pray for provision and that is what I get. I have the hardest time trusting God with finances and He knows that. Is it selfish of me to ask for more... for left overs??

Well anyway...here goes nothing... big-deep-breath...I'm off to pay bills in an anxiety free manner. I am resigned to not be angry at the very small balance left over....

THE.END...

its coming up babies!

This is a busy spring and its about to get busier. I have several important people who are all expecting...and the babies are about to being their arrival parade in just a few days! My good friend Jaime is expecting her first child John...in one week exactly! I wish her the safest, quickest, easiet delivery! I pray for the doctors and nurses taking care of baby John. I can't wait to meet him!

My sister in law is also expecting in June so Chris and I will be an aunt and uncle. Brayden is due June 28. I can't wait to see my husband with a baby... hopefully a sign of what's to come.

Finally my best friend Kimberly is also expecting a little one. Her Little Man (also named Brayden) is scheduled to arrive in mid July. I am so excited about this baby. All who know Kimberly and Wes were never really sure they would ever have kids (by choice). SO imagine our delight when after 8 years of marriage... they decided to give parenthood a try! Kimberly and I have been through every major life event together so this is so special to be a part of another momentous occasion!

So of course with all these other folks having babies... can you imagine the baby fever coursing thru my veins??? we are trying to be patient and smart about the timing of starting a famliy of our own...with Chris in school and the economy the way it is... I think we'll wait a while... Until then I think I'll have plenty of other babies to practice with...

Aubrey and Chris Fiorillo

Chris and I were married November 5, 2010 in a small ceremony surrounded by our friends and family. Here are a few photos...

Click here to view this photo book larger

Anticipation....

I've decided I don't like it! AT ALL!! I can't stand surprises...unless its a total surprise and I don't see it coming. Christmas presents under the tree taunt me, waiting to hear good or bad news drives me crazy. At work, when things are about to go bad with a patient, I hate waiting for it to happen. I don't know what to do with my self while I wait. Not knowing what's to come makes my mind race with possible outcomes and or plans of action I might need to take. I can't sleep, I can't think, I wonder, worry and stew over what might or might not be/happen... Anticipation is not good for me (and a recent discovery, my health either)!

Right now my life is full of anticipation. In 24 days I close on my house. But first I'm waiting to see if I save enough for the down payment and closing costs. So between each paycheck, I DIE waiting to see if I've made enough. I'm waiting...simply waiting to move. I am excited and CANNOT wait to live in my house. In the meantime, my time and head are filled with anticipating the move... switching utilities, changing my address, hiring movers, packing, settling things with my apartment folks. I'm getting married. OF COURSE I'm excited but my again my head is spinning while I wait. And then there's work which I think is the biggest thing that's getting to me. All the previously mentioned activities/festivities require money, money, money.

My job these days is not going well at all. Currently my unit is closed meaning I don't exactly have a place to work.(this is the 5th time since May) Because I am full time, I am usually guaranteed my hours but the census all over the hospital is low so that's not been happening. So everyday that I'm scheduled to work, I have to wait to find out if I actually do get to work. Hence the added anticipation of whether or not my paycheck will be enough (and the cycle continues).

So now with all the anticipation of the house and wedding, I find myself looking for a new job. One that will lessen the fear of not making enough money. I have a few leads but as this is a holiday, I can't truly pursue anything until tomorrow. SO again I wait.

I am praying so hard to trust that God will provide for me. I think He might be having a hard time getting through to me. I know (with my head) that He is capable and wants nothing more than to take care of me. I'm just having a hard time believing with my heart. But I'm trying. I'm praying for peace of mind and a calm spirit so that I can hear and feel where I am being lead. I know He has good things in store for me and my life. I just need to be patient and wait for them to happen. (there I go waiting again) I have to remember that it's God time schedule and not mine. So I'm going to trust and wait on the Lord. I am going to boldly trust Him with my life. I just hope He forgives my accidental mistrust.

THE COUNTDOWN IS ONNNN!!!!

So in exactly 29 days i will be signing my life away and officially purchasing my house! I can't believe the time has come!!!! I am so excited! Just let keep our fingers crossed that my unit stays open and I work all the days I have scheduled!

I am on the schedule tonight and so far the unit is open so I'm off to go get ready! Good day folks...good day!

Hope everyone else is having a good day!

This weekend was monumental! My mom and grandmother (my closest family members) met my in-laws this weekend. EVERY.SINGLE.IN-LAW. It was a monumental SUCCESS!!!! My grandmother has the tendency to tire out easily and my mom has the tendency to shy away from loud people and big crowds. The potential for disaster was fairly high. Half of Chris' family is old, mint-julep SOUTHERN and the other is loud, vocal Italian-Italian... you know the kind Jersey, pasta, everybody loves Mama.... Anyway... needless to say there are a LOT of characters on his side. Its like if the Cake Boss (TLC... watch it if you haven't) met Steele Magnolias. Big personalities with big volumes and I love every minute of it. I was worried though, that my mom would be shy and my grandmother would be too tired but from the moment they arrived, they loved every moment of everyday too!!!

His family lives in Plains, GA. Its pretty much like Mayberry(no exaggeration). It's the home of Jimmy Carter, the 39th President of the United States.... and peanuts. History abounds, charm oozes from every storefront and around every corner is someone related to Chris' mom's in some shape or form. In 2.5 days we stayed and 37 meals we ate, we managed to meet, eat with and hear at least 2 embarrassing stories about each family member with the exception of a sister-in-law and a wayward brother. We laughed and ate and laughed and ate some more. We visited every Jimmy Carter exhibit known to man. Much to my surprise, my grandmother kept up. And mom didn't once feel the need to retreat into herself. There was never lack for conversation nor was there any awkwardness. In fact my grandmother said she never felt more rested or rejuvenated after a vacation. She's still talking about what a good time she had.

I am so relieved that everyone likes everyone! I felt the beginnings of traditions forming. I see us ALL getting together for holidays, birthdays and just because. I can't wait for our kids to grow up in the love and acceptance I felt as we sat around the dinner table. It feels like we've always been family. We fit and it feels like home.

what a good weekend!!!!

I am absolutely, positively, in-my-bones exhausted! I have had the most emotional week this week. And its only Thursday...6 a.m. on Thursday.

I've been building a house as everyone knows. AND planning a wedding... So with both of those things comes the need for lots of money. I've been working like my life depends on it for several months now, putting EVERY un-allotted penny into savings. I've gone without...you should see my hair and my toes! The usually freshly painted piggies are naked and my heels are beginning to feel like sandpaper (how that's possible when my feet are constantly in shoes is beyond me). Don't get me started on the 2 shades darker roots that are making their way to my ears...and the grey hair!!!!! My WORD!

I'm at the home stretch with saving for my house. I've got just a little more money to save but the couple of extra shifts at work should tie up loose ends and even allow for a hefty down payment on the weding cruise. EXCEPT....... my unit at work closed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But wait, mine isn't the only one. There are 2 ICU's that have indefintely shut down!

My hospital has become very budget conscious lately and the powers that be are going to extreme measures to get back into the black. The nurses are taking a huge hit. I have no idea when I'll be able to work a full schedule. I've been lucky the past couple of days and have picked up some of my shifts in another unit. I was informed though that I can't keep doing that for several reasons. 1. I have to be available for my unit in case it re-opens despite the fact that there are no plans for that, 2. Other nurses (who's units have closed or who actually belong to the open units) can work too.

On top of not knowing when I'm going to work, I used up all my PTO (vacation time) because A. this isn't the first time this has happened, B. I was sick several months back and had to miss some work, C. I wasn't able to work a few days this closing so I had to use what was left.

I'm so conflicted! I have so many financial demands right now. I am scared to DEATH that I'm not going to be able to keep up and I'm going to lose what I've been working so hard for. I've been looking at job options available out there. The search has been dismal at best. I've always wanted to do what I'm doing now. The thought of starting something new...especially right now, is daunting. I can't imagine being another kind of nurse. I've toyed with the idea of going back to school but now is also not a good time. With Chris being in school and taking on a new mortage, I think that would be taking on too much.

I'm tryin to stay positive. I'm praying that the unit will re-open and I can resume work as usual. It's so hard to have faith that things are going to be ok with the obstacles seem insurrmountable. But I guess that's when you need faith the most...

On a different note...my mom and grandmother are meeting the in-laws this weekend. We're all driving over to GA to spend some quality time with one another before we all become hitched. It should be fun. I like my in-laws. I think I lucked out. I could use some time away to forget about work or lack thereof. Should be fun! I'll let ya know how it goes!

Chris and I went to our house at midnight tonight on a whim. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! It already... bare walls, empty rooms and all...feels like home. We were talking about where furniture will fit, what pictures I want where. I can't wait to bring it to life! I could feel us living there... married... cooking dinner, paying bills, entertaining friends, the whole 9! I have wanted this for so long. THIS! This house, this man, this life! I can't believe I am watching my dreams come into fruition! I am so blessed! I can't wait to see where life takes us!

Wedding plans are starting to take shape. We decided to hop on a boat and get married on an island somewhere. Well, not just anywhere. More specifically St Thomas in the Virgin Islands. Its turning out to be the best idea we could've come up with. Its the most cost effective since Chris is in school and only working part time. It allows us to get married and go on a honeymoon all at once. It looks like we're going to set sail March 20th and I think that makes our wedding day March 23rd. Little known fact is our wedding date will be exactly our 2 year anniversary of reuniting. YAY how sweet huh???

So its been a while since I posted pics of my house so I'll close with one....the final product...I am so proud of her!

House house and more house

So here's the latest development with my house....


The livingroom from the front door. You can see into the kitchen and dining area.
The dining area from the kitchen

Down the front hallway into an exra bedroom

I'll have electricity one day!

...and water

My garden tub!!!!

The roof is shingled!

The siding is going up...it won't be that color though

The other side is waiting...

The windows are in!!!

So that's it for now. More to come soon! Stay tuned!

Sunday Slideshow

Its been a whole 8 days since the last blog about my house. What a difference 8 days can make! Here's an update in pictures....

The foundation
Looking down on the foundation from the back
Literally 1 day after the foundation was poured, I found this
And then 1 day after that...
And then.....

From the side
The back



I cannot believe how fast this house is being built! I am more and more excited to start my life living in it! More updates to come! Stay tuned!

Random at 4a.m.

Because night shift is a different beast altogether, I am up at 4a.m. with a few random things on my mind....

1. MY HAIR! Oh my for the love of Pete I need a hair cut!!!! It's been 3 months! I usually get it done every 4 weeks or so but thanks to Shingles on my face and scalp... we're at an all time high! No worries! Thursday's the day! Only 5 days but who's counting????

2. We have dog company at my house. My roommate is dog sitting. I must say I love this dog! He is WIRED and little and DOESN'T SHED!!!!! PERFECT!

3. I saw Carrie Underwood last night. Awesome Show. I was struck though by the CONSTANT stream of folks walking back and forth from Lord knows where during the performance! When did it become ok to a. not pay attention to someone FAMOUS performing her heart out for you and b. to disturb people actually paying attention and trying to enjoy themselves by standing in their line of sight or crawling over them with your GAGGLE of children (who should be in bed in all honesty)? Just curious.

4. I have to house sit for my mother this week and have yet to pack a thing. Its 4 a.m and I'm blogging instead...I have a feeling I'm gonna be a bit rushed before work tomorrow....

With that...I think I should go to bed....

Catching up

I'm such a terrible blogger! I'm gonna blame my absence on my unGODLY work schedule leaving me only time to sleep and work some more....do I sound pitiful?

I have actually had some time to do a little shopping though. HOUSE shopping that is! I've known for a while that I want a house. I'm ready to put GOBS of money toward something I OWN at the end of the day! I also just knew I wanted to move back to a bigger city, namely Birmingham. So most of my shopping was directed in that area. And Birmingham DID NOT disappoint! I found PLENTY of places I wouldn't mind living! The only thing slowing me down and stressing me out was the supply of jobs...or lack there of! As a nurse, I've taken for granted that I would always be in demand or that I could pick up and go anywhere and be able to step into a job. Not so folks, simply not so! Nursing is just like any other career out there and is just as effected by supply and demand. Needless to say, the job search at best was dismal.

My current apartment lease ends in November. So the pressure was on to find a house and a job. Added to the mix is trying to figure out how I'm going to manage a long-distance relationship. Distance doesn't usually bode well for couples, so the fear of my relationship falling apart was also in the back of my mind. Chris (my BF) is starting school here in Montgomery and is also locked into a lease of his own. We are at the stage in our relationship where marriage is definitely in our future so space is not something we want... or need.

Needless to say, I've been stressed and confused and worried. As much as I hate to admit it, I am hard wired to worry. And its only gotten worse as I've gotten older. I literally worried myself sick! After a long and very painful bout of daily headaches, indigestion and a horrible case of shingles (on my face!!!!!), I made a decision! I decided all signs were keeping me close to home. I can't, in good conscious, buy a house on a wing and a prayer that a job will follow. Commuting long term back and forth from Birmingham to Montgomery defeats that purpose of moving and is therefore, not an option. With Chris in school, our time together is limited anyway, WHY would I move so far away from him and risk NEVER seeing him? PLUS, I would be moving away from my mom and grandmother...who combined with Chris are my WORLD!!!!

Deciding to stay put, I started looking at houses in Montgomery and relunctently in my home town. Suprisingly, I found exactly what I was looking for in the last place I thought I'd find it. I have put up a valiant fight to never move back to my home town for as long as I can remember. But seeing that MY plans were only making me sick, I opted to broadend my thinking and embrace the possibility of making my old home town, my new one too. I found a new neighborhood that I fell in LOVE with! There are only about 10 houses there now with plans for about 200 more! The builders are energy conscious and build the houses "green" so to speak. I've signed a million papers including a check....and bought myself a little piece of property on a street with a cute little name and I'm building myself a little home where Chris and I will live "Happily Ever After".

Now the headaches and indestion are gone! The only sign of shingles is a scar on my forehead. I lie awake at night now wondering where I'm going to put my couch or where I'm going to hang my paintings. I don't mind that so much!

Construction has begun. Well, the beginning of construction anyyway. I've picked out colors of paint,(doesn't "Beach House" sound warm and inviting?) and granite and tile and carpet and door styles (by the way, my front door WILL be red!!!). I have signed off on every light can, every bush, and every shingle! It is supposed to take only 60 days to complete! I can't believe it! Everything is so surreal but feels so very right!

I don't have many pictures yet as there isn't much to show of my home but I'm going to show you what I've got. There will be more to come and I can't wait to show you!


This is my little patch of home. The site is being graded

This is the frame for the foundation

Contentment...or something kinda like it...

My brother is always doing this thing where he waits around. He is always in a state of "about to"...about to start school, to start a business, to move out on his own; about to get serious about this girl. He's always on the look out for a better car, better clothes, better gadgets...he's always taking gifts back for a better model/version. It DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! He comes to me for advice about what he should do with his life and I find myself always telling him to "go for it". Whatever "it" is...whatever his ambition, I try to encourage him to get started and accomplish whatever will make him happy or get him excited about life. OR if it's a goal that's a little too lofty for reality, my advice is to be still and find happiness...or at least that all elusive contentment in where he is or what he's doing. But ALAS...he just waits. He waits just in case the timing is not right or just in case something better comes along. He doesn't commit so that he'll be ready to take that better opportunity when it arises. GRRRR....

As frustrated as I get with him, I'm finding myself not having much room to talk these days. I have been in a state of transition for quite some time. I've been in school, out of school, learning new jobs, moving around, back in school, out of school, moving, learning new jobs, moving..new jobs...see a pattern? So now I've been in one spot for a while. Things feel like they are falling into place. But now I find myself feeling a little of what my brother must feel....I'm feeling this need to find something new....I can't figure out what it is...I DETEST moving but I'm looking at houses...IN BIRMINGHAM!!!! I love what I do! I can't imagine being anything other than a nurse...a critical care/cardiac nurse. But again I'm thinking about finding something new.

I can't tell if my spirit is being stirred by God...that I'm feeling the urge to move/change because I am SUPPOSED to or if I'm just giving in to the discontentment that seems to plague others in my family. I believe in following where God leads and will GLADLY do so. I just wish He worked in neon signs and road maps! I'm not asking for much...If I am supposed to go somewhere else or do something else...great! FINE!!! Otherwise... if not, I need a little contentment or something kinda like it....

I'm getting excited!

I am SOOOOOO ready for football season...can you tell? My kitchen is all decked out and my flower bed has the most adorable flag! Bring on the tailgating! A little early but..... WAAARRRR EAGLE ya'll!!!

Do we really need.......

SPREADABLE BACON?????? Really folks???

maybe a sign...but for what?

i just found out that my brother's girlfriend (of all people) is going to buy the house that I had my eye on.....SERIOUSLY had my eye on!!!! I'm just wondering if this is stop sign from above blocking my attempts to buy, saying I should wait....ORRRRR is it a sign saying get a move on... if I don't make a move, someone else will... hmmmm am I overthinking this... should I just jump in and hold on for the ride????

A lot on my mind...

I have some big decisions on my mind right now and have no idea what to do about them...really just one that I kinda feel pulled around about...

I want to buy a house... I think. No I'm pretty sure I want to buy a house. I know the economy is kinda perfect to buy a house right now. But here's the thing. The economy is also forcing my job to cancel all contracts. I am a contract nurse. So that means I am going to lose a good portion of my income... VERY SOON! I am told that upon expiration of my contract, I will have the option to become a full time employee of my hospital or...hit the road. Becoming a full time employee is where the pay cut comes.... If administration actually holds true to their promise, I won't have to worry about a pay cut until March 2010. HOWEVER, I've heard rumor that all contracts are going to end THIS October no if's, and's or but's. (Usually, I don't pay attention to rumors but at this hospital...and especially money rumors, tend to come true... so I listen). So I'm thinking I need to delay the house hunt until I know for sure what my actual pay is going to be. I don't think it would be a good idea to base financial investments on something that is probably going to take a nose dive shortly. That being said, the problem with waiting is my lease is up at my apartment in November. That's about 4 months folks! My roommates and I have decided that all 3 of us together is not the best combo, although we love each other dearly, living together...NOT GOOD!!! But then again, I am torn because one of us benefits GREATLY from having a rent that is divided and split bills...I hate the idea of leaving this person strapped...I know how that feels. I am ready for my own space again. I want to make decisions and not worry about how it affects 2 other people. We argue a lot too and I am WAY to old for that! I know conflict is inevitable from time to time but COME ON!!! If I can have a conflict free (or greatly reduced) life... believe me I'm on board!!!

....I'm thinking about changing jobs. I LOVE LOVE LOVE bedside nursing. I HATE HATE HATE how tired it has made me and how out of touch my life has become. I NEVER get to see my family. I've lost touch with friends. I can't see my boyfriend much. I can't go to church enough to reap the benefits of having a community of faith. Working 12 hour nights (7 in a row) keeps me almost completely out of touch with the real world. I would be so sad to leave my job but my friends and family are what make my life. Having no time for them has changed me.... not for the better. So with my contract ending, I would love for it to be a transition into a new job.... one that is more in line with the rest of society. Health care in general is usually not in line with the rest of society in a 9-5 kinda way...seeing as how people usually can't predict when they are going to need our services. But I really want to be back on a schedule that will afford me more time to be with people. 9-5 kinda schedule in health care usually means something like a doctors office or outpatient services... I CANNOT imagine not working in a hospital!!!! I would die of boredom in an office I think. Home health... no thanks! So..... I don't know what to do...

I did get to go to church the other day. The sermon was about waiting on and listening to God. So that's what I'm going to do for now. I am going to try to quiet my my spirit and allow God's voice to direct me on where to go... its no fun though....just so ya know

Blizzards in March... of course

Not much is blog worthy in my life these days. But the weather sure is news worthy...see for yourself

Winter Wonderland outside my house
Buster the mini snowman
Frozen palm trees...not a sight you see everyday
view from my balcony
Nothing like it...
pool side
Another aerial shot

Funny thing is, earlier this week it was a balmy 73 degrees...and yesterday we were bracing for tornados... go figure...

Oh the memories...

My roommates and I had the coziest afternoon today! We got up early and baked sugar cookies and then spent HOURS loading them up with frosting and sprinkles while listening to Celine Dion belt out carols as only Celine can. It was SO much fun! My family traditionally gets together for an annual gingerbread-house-from-scratch/cookie decorating party a few days before Christmas in preparation for the upcoming feast. We would all be covered from head to toe with icing and sprinkles and usually more decorations ended up in our tummies than on the cookies. It always felt magical and perfect. Unfortunately, my family has scattered to the four corners and everyone has grown up. Jobs and distance have put a halt to our Ol' Fashion Christmas tradition. In fact it has been nearly 6 years or so since we've all been together for the holidays. Being fiercely in favor of holiday traditions, my heart has been so sad not to have our annual icing party. So today's festivites brought back the warm, fuzzy memories of my childhood... though this time around there was a lot more icing on the cookies and less on my shirt and jeans :) Again my job got in the way and I had to stop decorating WAY before I was ready. But it felt so nice to have my favorite tradition back in full swing and to share it with new folks who have quickly become a huge part of my life and dare I say, my extended family.
MMMMMM
I hope you all are feeling the warm fuzzies that the holidays bring! Be sure to honor your old traditions or create some new ones (and stick with 'em)!

Happy Monday before Christmas!