The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live in that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it,under its roof(barbara kingsolver)... this is the journey of defining my hopes and living them to the fullest...and all the random junk along the way.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Contentment...or something kinda like it...

My brother is always doing this thing where he waits around. He is always in a state of "about to"...about to start school, to start a business, to move out on his own; about to get serious about this girl. He's always on the look out for a better car, better clothes, better gadgets...he's always taking gifts back for a better model/version. It DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! He comes to me for advice about what he should do with his life and I find myself always telling him to "go for it". Whatever "it" is...whatever his ambition, I try to encourage him to get started and accomplish whatever will make him happy or get him excited about life. OR if it's a goal that's a little too lofty for reality, my advice is to be still and find happiness...or at least that all elusive contentment in where he is or what he's doing. But ALAS...he just waits. He waits just in case the timing is not right or just in case something better comes along. He doesn't commit so that he'll be ready to take that better opportunity when it arises. GRRRR....

As frustrated as I get with him, I'm finding myself not having much room to talk these days. I have been in a state of transition for quite some time. I've been in school, out of school, learning new jobs, moving around, back in school, out of school, moving, learning new jobs, moving..new jobs...see a pattern? So now I've been in one spot for a while. Things feel like they are falling into place. But now I find myself feeling a little of what my brother must feel....I'm feeling this need to find something new....I can't figure out what it is...I DETEST moving but I'm looking at houses...IN BIRMINGHAM!!!! I love what I do! I can't imagine being anything other than a nurse...a critical care/cardiac nurse. But again I'm thinking about finding something new.

I can't tell if my spirit is being stirred by God...that I'm feeling the urge to move/change because I am SUPPOSED to or if I'm just giving in to the discontentment that seems to plague others in my family. I believe in following where God leads and will GLADLY do so. I just wish He worked in neon signs and road maps! I'm not asking for much...If I am supposed to go somewhere else or do something else...great! FINE!!! Otherwise... if not, I need a little contentment or something kinda like it....