Oh the memories...

My roommates and I had the coziest afternoon today! We got up early and baked sugar cookies and then spent HOURS loading them up with frosting and sprinkles while listening to Celine Dion belt out carols as only Celine can. It was SO much fun! My family traditionally gets together for an annual gingerbread-house-from-scratch/cookie decorating party a few days before Christmas in preparation for the upcoming feast. We would all be covered from head to toe with icing and sprinkles and usually more decorations ended up in our tummies than on the cookies. It always felt magical and perfect. Unfortunately, my family has scattered to the four corners and everyone has grown up. Jobs and distance have put a halt to our Ol' Fashion Christmas tradition. In fact it has been nearly 6 years or so since we've all been together for the holidays. Being fiercely in favor of holiday traditions, my heart has been so sad not to have our annual icing party. So today's festivites brought back the warm, fuzzy memories of my childhood... though this time around there was a lot more icing on the cookies and less on my shirt and jeans :) Again my job got in the way and I had to stop decorating WAY before I was ready. But it felt so nice to have my favorite tradition back in full swing and to share it with new folks who have quickly become a huge part of my life and dare I say, my extended family.
MMMMMM
I hope you all are feeling the warm fuzzies that the holidays bring! Be sure to honor your old traditions or create some new ones (and stick with 'em)!

Happy Monday before Christmas!

ahhhh

Usually I do my hair myself. I have a hard time paying the unGODly prices at salons for a haircut and forget about getting it colored! LORDY be it costs an arm and a leg. Having said that, I also LOVE having cute hair and am usually pretty diligent about the upkeep of my hair. However, life has gotten the better of me and mine was looking pretty shabby lately. So I decided to splurge. Besides, the work it would take to get my hair into decent shape would require a little more skill and a few more hands than I have.

I made an appointment at a local, higher end salon and found what could quite possibly be Heaven right here in east Montgomery. I guess I should be ashamed that it took 3 HOURS to get my hair into shape... but it did and I'm not. I LOVED every minute of it! My stylist gave me a robe to change into (a first for me) and then spent a good bit of time finding just the right shade that made my eyes "pop". And then... this woman had hands of an angel! I kid you not! I have a very tender head. Most salon sessions are tortuous for me. Not one little baby hair misses a painful tug. Anyway, this time was different. I barely felt the comb in my hair or the stylist's hands wash, cut, dye or style my hair. It was like a 3 hour head massage!!! It was WONDERFUL!!!! The end product is nice. It the first hair cut I haven't had to make excuses for i.e. "it'll look better when it grows out a little", or "it always freaks out a little right after a new haircut". But the process was the best! It was just what the doctor ordered! I've been so stressed out lately and after a few short hours in the salon... everything seems so much better! It really does pay to pamper yourself every once in a while! I highly recommend it!

Who knew???

I'm not sure if this is old news or not. Since I work such crazy hours and shifts, I am sometimes a little late with current events. BUT I just found out that Obama is a SMOKER!!!! I had no idea! I kind of look at him differently now. I read that he admits to quitting and falling off the wagon here and there. I have no doubt that the campaign trail is not the ideal serene environment one turns to when trying to rid oneself of an addiction that sends the body into the throws of anxiety-ridden withdrawals. BUT with the cost of healthcare such it is and with cigarette smoking being one of the leading contributors of heart and lung disease... I find it a bit contradictory on his part. Now don't misunderstand me. I understand the addiction and I am in no way implying that giving up nicotine is or will be easy when/if he decides to quit (and no offense to smokers out there who have attempted to quit, failed at quitting or never plan on quitting). I'm just saying that finding out he smokes kind of tarnished his glowing image I had of him. That's all. Mind you I wish him luck and hope he does decide to quit (as I wish for everyone). Great if he does but its job security for me if he doesn't ;)

Today (Wednesday) is Human Rights Day. As such there is a group out there encouraging everyone to "call in gay" to work today... not sick, gay. This is to show what an impact gays and lesbians make on the workforce and thus world at large. Uh.....Who knew?

How 'bout that randomness to perk up your day! Hope its a good one!

3 a.m. Ramblings

I decided not to travel right now. I've been in turmoil about it for some time. My recruiter was having a hard time finding an assignment that would pay an hourly rate close to what I'm making now. Plus the only element of travel that appeals to me is the travel. I want, rather I NEED a vacation! So to travel at a smaller pay rate means working more and traveling less...NOT different from what I'm doing now. Where's the appeal of packing up, driving across the country to do the EXACT same thing? Doesn't exist folks!!! PLUS I was offered a better contract at my current hospital. So it looks like MGM is gonna be home for a little bit longer. :)

I forgot (in just one short year) how difficult it is to live with other people. My new roommates and I have had a few tiffs....ugh! Its childish really but there is nothing easy about being with someone nearly 24/7 adding in the special "issues" we all bring to the mix. It is STRESSFUL to say the least. We're hanging in there by whatever strings there are to hold on to...but we're hanging!

I am at a loss-yet again- for Christmas present ideas. I had VERY good intentions of starting early and being finished by now but with only 2 presents under my belt, I have failed miserably... and I have about 7 days to get it all done before I work again. The pressure's on!

There is this condition that exists in the ICU. Its called ICU psychosis. It comes on without much warning and is a nightmare for the patient and nurse not to mention the family if they happen to witness it. It happens when days and nights get mixed up and sleep patterns are severely altered. Add in anti-anxiety meds and/or pain meds and there ya go...a vicious cycle of confusion that usually ends with nurses close to a break down and a patient in some sort of restraint. Ya'll I had the CUTEST patient the other night who came down with a bad case of it and lost her EVER LOVIN' mind! She was soooo sweet about it though. Despite the inappropriateness of her behavior, it really did show the true content of her character. She was the sweetest little southern hostess. She was in her room (in the ICU) trying to serve cake to her husband and neighbors. She attempted several times to get out of bed to get the cake and even offered to make a fresh one (warm apple walnut, I believe it was). Mind you these people were not there, seeing as how it was 2 o'clock in the morning. AND one of her "dear sweet" friends, Mr. Furrow was having a terrible fit of itching and this sweet thing again, tried to get out of bed to rub him down with Witch Hazel. She just couldn't understand, for the life of her, why I wouldn't talk to these people or let her go tend to them. The cake was goin' to waste if someone didn't eat it and poor Mr. Furrow was havin' a terrible time and needed a rub down. Evidently, she saw a baby lying in water that she needed to save. (Imagine the guilt I felt in telling her she couldn't save that baby). Even in her bouts of crazy, this woman was doing her best, literally risking injury, to help her friends and loved ones. I want to be that kind of person. I want service to be second nature, so much so that even when I am 80 some-odd years old, laid up in the hospital with broken bones and have lost my mind, I'm still trying to serve cake and Witch Hazel. Today, though she was completely better. She finally got a good night's sleep and the psychosis went away. She'll be going home soon to actually serve cake for Christmas. (Hope Mr. Furrow is doing well)

Hope all is well...Christmas shopping and what-not. Happy Tuesday!

TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!!

As promised... My Christmas Tree...

Before

AfterDoesn't she clean up nice???

and a couple of close-ups


Merry Christmas!!!!!

Hmmmm...

I woke up this morning with the hymn Great Is Thy Faithfulness FULL blast in my head! I think someone is trying to tell me something...about trusting Him and how things are going to work out... can't be sure but... I haven't heard/sung that hymn in quite some time so...coincidence???? I think not!

I wanted to share this picture for sometime but it was stuck on my phone while my memory card was MIA. I took this picture on my phone the other morning at work so mind you it's not great quality plus pictures NEVER do justice to the real thing BUT... It is the view from my patient's room. The sunrise was so breathtaking that I actually woke the patient up to see it. I felt she NEEDED to see it (it in fact turnout to be her last one). Several of the nurses and I stood there at the window until the sun had completely risen... unable to tear ourselves away from what we were seeing. So here it is... just imagine the colors more vibrant than you have EVER seen!




*Update* My recruiter called me yesterday after my frantic email (I wasn't able to talk to him though). He left me a message assuring me that he had plenty of positions for me. I just have to call him and let him know where I am most interested. So yay!...and EEK!!! It scares me to think of traveling across country alone. But I think I'm up for the challenge....

One Less

I have one and only one apartment now. I turned in my key to my old apartment today! HOORAY! It was a bit bittersweet...it was the first place I lived totally alone...roommate free! I had all the space to myself...it was a good apartment. It will be missed...

I STILL haven't heard from the Laguna Hills hospital! I emailed my recruiter today to let him know that he needs to step things up a bit. I told him too that I would be willing to take an assignment without my friend/roommate. I can't afford to wait for us to get an assignment together...seeing as how as of Dec. 23rd...I am jobless! I've freaked a couple of times when the finality of that date sinks in. I've resorted to looking for local (and not so local) jobs just in case this travel thing doesn't work out. Honestly, I've never heard of someone having so much trouble finding an assignment. I think it's waiting around for a respiratory job and nursing job at the same facility that's causing the hold up. So I'm not going to wait anymore...and I'm SCARED!!! I'm trying to stay calm and prayerful and patient. (its not working out so well)

(Jumping subjects) It is ABSOLUTELY beautiful around here!!! Don't you think we have had the prettiest fall EVER!?! The trees around here literally look like they are on fire! The leaves are yellowish orange on the inside of the tree and change into a BRILLIANT red on the outside and when the sun shines on them it actually looks like they are glowing!!! I tend to feel closest to God when I am outside. I always feel renewed, comforted, and at peace. I can't begin to tell you what this fall has done for my spirit. Despite the stress of moving and job changes, when I look outside my window...everything feels ok. (how cheesy does that sound???)

My roommates and I are going to pick out a Christmas tree tomorrow! I am sooooo excited! Its gonna be a real one! I haven't had a real one since high school! This should be fun! I'll post pictures as soon as its up and all decorated!

Hope everyone is enjoying the season! I pray you see Him all around you...everyday!
Happy Monday!

Worried and Tired of Waiting

I haven't heard anything from the California hospital and it has me worried. I'm telling myself that since we're just coming off the weekend, I should give it time....and since its almost Thanksgiving..., But I walked into work this week and saw my replacement already orienting!!! Which in essence means that when my contract is up in December, I have NO way of signing a new contract. There is no vacancy for me to fill. SO if for some reason I don't have an assignment, I'm out of a job!!!!! I am trying so hard to be patient and to keep a calm spirit about me but got bills to pay!!! I'm kinda peeved at my boss as well. I am well aware that as a contract nurse, he has no obligation to me; when my contract is up, its up. He is under no obligation to renew me. But since I've been here, um longer than he has... you would think he would have just a WEE little bit of loyalty toward me. But no, I haven't OFFICIALLY given him a notice and my contract isn't OFFICIALLY up and he has me replaced and without a job!!!!! So needless to say, I'm a little on edge. My weakest point of faith is trusting that God will take care of me financially even though He has proven himself time and time again. I've gotten used to taking care of myself over the last couple of years and I'm finding it difficult to relinquish control. Its not like bills will wait for God's timing... you know? I'm praying like crazy for patience but I'm also praying like crazy that if this is hospital is not the one God intends for me to travel to first, that He provide another one...quickly ;)I covet your prayers in this!

I've been in my new apartment for about a week now. It's been a whirlwind. I've hardly had time to notice the difference. Move-in day was as good as could be expected. And we've been unpacking boxes ever since. We finally removed the 6 foot tall x 20 foot long pile of cardboard boxes from our garage yesterday. I'm looking forward to the day when I can come home and not have to figure out where things are going to go. I've had to come up with some pretty creative storage solutions since my living space is a BIT smaller than previously. (My old apartment really spoiled me!!) This move has been good for re-evaluating my priorities. I've been reminded that material possessions are just that... material. I had a bit of a meltdown when I realized I couldn't have all my "stuff" with me at my new apartment. I didn't like that about myself. I don't want to be materialistic and selfish. I don't want to be "of this world". I was forced to take a step back and think about how important things had become in my life. I do enjoy the things I've acquired over the years don't get me wrong. Many of my things have precious memories attached. I needed to be reminded that its the memories and the life moments that are important. So once I came back to my senses, the adjustment has been much easier. I've been working this week and this weekend I have to clean my old apartment and turn in the keys and I'll be done with that place. It'll be good to be responsible for just one residence. I haven't quite gotten used to living with people again. Our schedules are all over the place at work these days since its the holidays. So hopefully soon we'll get to spend some time together.

Thanksgiving is just a few days away! I have to work but will get to spend a few hours with my family. I am so looking forward to it. I wish I had more time to spend with them but I cherish the time I have with them. I wish warm, fuzzy family gatherings for everyone! Happy Thanksgiving!

oh yeah

I forgot... My recruiter sent my profile to a potential employer yesterday. Its in Laguna Hills, Ca. I am so hopeful. The hospital is looking for ICU nurses as well as Respiratory Therapists so the likelihood that my friend and I will be able to travel together is pretty good. So we're waiting to hear from the managers of the different units to see if they want us. Keep your fingers crossed! I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything!

blogless

I am mind numbingly tired. I moved... it went as well as lugging boxes and furniture up a flight of stairs can go. We're still getting settled in and used to living with one another. I've had a melt down or two... it's hard to adjust when exhaustion blurs your senses.

I'll blog a more indepth blog later when I am more awake and aware and can form more coherent thoughts/sentences! Just wanted to check in.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Today's the day! I sign my new lease and get the keys to my new apartment this afternoon; and with them I gain 2 new roommates! I haven't lived with anyone in a year now and in all honesty, I think I might miss my autonomy a bit. I'm excited and I love them but I've gotten used to the mine-all-mine comfort of living alone.

I whole heartily believe in 1/4 life crises. I can remember being about 25-ish and deep in the throws of trying to gain confidence as an adult, internally fighting/mourning the loss of the freedom and carefree spirit that defines a young adult, and struggling to completely define and understand who I truly am. Slowly but surely all that uncertainty fades and a real-live adult emerges and life gets better but not without tears and questions and a littel bit of sadness. It is a necessary process but it stinks to be in the middle of it. All that to say, I think my friend/roommate Rebeccah having a bit of a crisis. She is newly 26 and definitely having trouble asserting who she is and what she wants, not because she is meek and mild and the quiet sort of wall-flower girl. She truly has no idea what she wants in or from life. She is, admittingly, used to decisions being made for her and because she has been overshadowed by her siblings her whole life, she has never found her own voice. So now, she is being given the opportunity to assert herself, give her opinion, stand up for what she wants and she is finding the task a bit daunting to say the least. I am excited for her to be in this place as hard as it is. I know that on the other side of the chaos is a confident, self-assured grown-up Rebeccah. If I want anything for anybody in this world, it is for them to find their voice and feel confident enough to make it heard. I am priveledged to watch her go through this and help her along. I pray for patience through all the indecision and tears.

SO we move tomorrow. Its gonna be a long day. I pray for lots of sleep tonight and even more energy tomorrow. I'll blog tomorrow(provided my internet works) and give an update on how it went.

Happy Friday everyone!

Late night road trips...

Sunday night I got a call at work from my mom. My mom rarely calls me at work so I knew something wasn't right. She called to tell me that my brother was in a car accident... in Panama City, Florida. His car was totalled and he hurt is back were the only details she had at the time. Of course my mind, being medically inclined, assumed the worst! So I left work and off we went on a 4 hour drive in the middle of the night to go find out what happened and possibly bring home a mamed memeber of our family. I knew he had been discharged so I figured he wasn't paralyzed but...still. It was THE LONGEST drive ever!!!! So we got to the hospital at around 1 a.m. to find out that he had not only hurt his back but... IT IS BROKEN!!!! He isn't paralyzed and it will heal but his back is broken!!! Its the lower part of his back and its the front part of the vertebral body so the fracture is as far away from the spinal cord as you can get if you're gonna break your back. He is obviously in a lot of pain and will be for quite some time. He will have to be in a back brace for quite some time as well. He is EXTREMELY lucky to be a. alive and b. walking around. His girlfriend was with him and got pretty banged up. No broken bones but she has a pretty bad case of whiplash. She has a few cuts and bruises... nothing that won't heal. They were pretty lucky. I covet your prayers for a speedy recovery for the both of them. I'll keep you posted on their recovery.

Random Epiphanies

I'm moving in 19 or so days!!! Can i just say that I am dreading it like i dread a case of...oh let's see...diarrhea!!!!! I hate hate hate moving! Don't get me wrong, I am excited about my new apartment and the changes that will ensue. But the actual packing boxes and lugging them across town and up stairs and unpacking them... NOT my idea of a good time. It could be that in the last 12 years since I graduated high school, I have moved about as many times. My new roomies are so excited and gung ho about having friends and family all getting together and making a day out the experience.... BAHH HUMBUG is all I have to say! I think God invented big strong men with big trucks for just such occasions... who am I to deny them the opportunity to display their God given ability? And as frivolous as it sounds, I would be SO willing to pay said big strong men to do all the work for me! I think I am dreading it so badly that it is hindering my packing process... I haven't packed a THING!!!! *sigh*

I applied for my California nursing license. I have to get my fingerprints and school transcripts and ship them to the Cali state board of nursing... and voila! I'll be licensed in more than one state! I'm starting to anticipate the vulnerability of going to a new place. I have such a bubble of comfort here.... I know the doctors I work for; I know how they work, what they want and as much as you can in nursing, I know what to expect. The nurses and therapists I work with get along really well and have such a good time together...Its scary to leave my little bubble.. I'm going to miss it!

I just realized that I feel anonymous a lot of the time. I kinda think that when out of sight, I'm out of mind. I say this because a friend of mine...(friend because we work together) expressed to me that she was really disappointed that we don't hang out outside of work. She asked why i never call her to go shopping or to dinner and movies with my other friends. I honestly had no idea that she gave me second thought once we clocked out. She has such a busy life...as do a lot of my other friends.. with children and well, life. I don't know why it is so odd to me that people want to spend time with me...it just is...

So that's whats going on in my head...@ 2:30 in the a.m......

2nd blog today...

Because I am the QUEEN of procrastination and my job contributes to my putting things off, I have a TON of things to do around my house. The most daunting task is going through the GI-NORMOUS pile of mail on my dining room table. I have not 1, not 2, not even 3... but S-E-V-E-N magazines to go through, 3 movies to watch and COUNTLESS credit card offers that must be shredded and thrown out....deep breath and sigh....Here's a picture of the task in front of me....

My WICKED Birthday...

Ya'll I had the best birthday EVER! My mom and friend Rebeccah and I went to Atlanta to see the Broadway musical Wicked. It was in no uncertain terms.... AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is hands down my favorite musical so far... and I've seen a lot of musicals. If you've never heard of it... it is the story of the Wicked Witch of the West before we meet her in the Wizard of Oz. It is completely unexpected! I am such a fan!!!!! It is supposed to come to Birmingham in April of '09
so if you live around here and have the chance to go... DO IT!!!!!! You won't be sorry! Here are some pictures to pique your interest

good friends, good food and carving pumpkins

Jeff is my best friend. We fight like cats and dogs on good days and on bad days... forget about it! He's like a brother to me honestly. We don't get to spend a lot of time together just being friends.. hanging out, watching TV, being silly, doing pointless things or having pointless conversations. This weekend was different though. We did all of those things.

Saturday we watched some really bad Auburn football. I cooked lasagna, salad, garlic bread and peach cobbler. Then... we carved pumpkins!!!! Oh SO MUCH FUN!!! Jeff had never carved a pumpkin and I, being the queen of holiday traditions, thought that was appalling and felt an URGENT need to remedy that astonishing fact. It's a bit early to display them for Halloween but I am not above re-carving new ones before then.

Sunday, we wandered around Wal-Mart grocery/whatever-we-wanted shopping. Then we baked cookies, ate ham sandwiches, flopped on the couch and watched our favorite TV show (shameless plug for Brothers and Sisters... love love love it!) and then a scary movie.

It was so good to not fight for once and just enjoy each other's company and do nothing in particular. Our lives are so busy and complicated at times, we forget to spend time just being friends.

I'm including pictures of our pumpkins. Mine is the more intricately carved one. My dad said he thinks I may have missed my calling... Thanks Dad! No more saving lives for me! I'm going to carve pumpkins for a living! HA HA!!!
Mine...a spider and it's web
Jeff's

Chatter Brained...

I have this thing that I do that drives me absolutely insane and there is nothing I can seem to do to change it. I worry and I wonder way too much... I mull things over in my head and examine it from every possible angle until I end up spending days completely distracted and nights wide awake and miserable. And the crazy thing is is that what I mull over are stupid, simple things that I should already be aware of or understand...like my opinion of or feelings toward things/people. I have the hardest time admitting how I feel.... even to myself. I guess for fear of feeling completely vulnerable or out of control. Why am I not ok with feeling that way in my own head... privately? I get not wanting to feel insecure in public...for the world to see but with myself. I've known myself forever and for the most part am completely accepting of myself. Hmmmmm....I only bring this up because I am completely exhausted. I haven't slept in 3 nights. Well, at least not like I need to. And its only because I can't shut my mind up!

Girls' Night Out

My friend Rebeccah's birthday was Wednesday so we thought it very fitting to have a girls' night out at our favorite restaurant.... PF Chang's. If you have never heard of it, you should IMMEDIATELY Google it and make your way to the nearest location. It is AMAZINGLY good. At first it was just going to be Beccah and myself but another good friend of mine is going through a pretty rough break up and another has been tied down to 4 kids for the past oh... 18 years and has never been, they decided to join us for a Happy-Birthday-Let's-Forget-About-Men-Hallelujah-No-Kids-Thank Goodness-We're-Finally-Off-Work! full out shindig...

We dressed up, got dolled up, found our little girl sillies and hit the road! We laughed the entire way up to Birmingham. We sang...badly... and at the top of our lungs. The ride alone was great. Just to get out of town for a little while...ahhhh! It was a bit chilly by Alabama standards but we braved the cold and sat out on the balcony looking out at the mountains.....except our view was obscured but a GI-NORMOUS ceramic horse's hiney... but it was a spectacular horse's hiney. We all ordered an adult beverage in celebration of being just that...adults! I had the BEST glass of Riesling....EVER! Its a soft, fruity white wine. YUMMY! The other girls sampled a PF Changs exclusive Plum Collins....a fruity, tropical drink of sorts. We all relaxed and laughed and ordered anything and everything we wanted. (Calories didn't count tonight) My friend Gwen (the one with 4 kids) was a blast to watch. She was like a little kid experiencing things for the first time! We had the best time forgetting about everything that has us stressed back at home.

It was the PERFECT beginning to my FAVORITE time of the year! Here are a few pictures of the night's festivities

The Girls
Our View
Rebeccah and Me
Gwen discovers lettuce wraps
Mr Pum Collins himself...
Good thing calories didn't count! Look at this Cheesecake!
Happy Birthday Beccah!
Hammin' it up for the camera

Finally

Picture this.. after nearly 2 months without a microwave, I came home after a brief outing to a BRAND NEW (to me) M-I-C-R-O-W-A-V-E!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! I felt I should cook something in it but alas since it HAS been nearly 2 months... I have no microwavable food in my house. I guess I'll have to cook something so I can nuke the leftovers...HAHA!!! Such is life but PRAISE JESUS I have my microwave back!

I finished the first round of paperwork/applications for my travel company. I'll talk with my recruiter this week and find out what's next. I have a feeling I'll have to start applying for licensure in other states...Another friend of mine wants to travel with me so there will be at least 3 of us traveling together so it sounds like this is going to be good times! We've almost narrowed down where we're going first... Reno, Nevada is looking like the front runner.

That's about it for now...Happy Wednesday ya'll!

Blog at ya later!

yep, i'm definitely psychic!

As predicted, since today I needed to sleep in order to stay awake at work tonight, both the recruiter for the travel nursing agency I applied to called AND the repair men showed up to fix my microwave. I think I precicted BOTH these things would happen in yesterday's post. The repair men had WAY over a month and SEVERAL weeks where I was off and at home fully awake that they could come but... nope... today... oh well. They are here and making a mess of my kitchen which will hopefull end with a fully repaired and functioning microwave...and I can get back to making fully microwaved meals ;)

I talked at length to a recruiter for a travel company today I am excited to report. I like him and I like that he can probably place my friend and I together. So I'm pretty sure his is the company we will go with. He couldn't promise GOBS of money like other companies were claiming but the pay was comparable if not exactly what I'm making now plus tax free travel expenses and housing and benefits (health,dental and life insurance). SOOO... as long as I can continue to make what I am now...I'm cool with it. I'm more interested in the travel part of it anyway. He also explained that the compainies that offer the GOBS of money specialize in strikes so its a short term kinda thing, whereas his company offers longer term, career-in-traveling-type contracts. So I liked what he had to say and have submitted my application. I'm trudging through a barrage of skills check lists that are making me feel a bit...not A LOT under qualified... I'm excited to have a definite company and a definite recruiter and have half the process already over and done. YAY!

Oh by the way, the repair men just told me that they are going to have to come back tomorrow to work on my microwave.... OF COURSE YOU WILL!!!! UGH!

Anyway.. if off to start my work week.

Happy Wednesday!

and we wait...

As predicted no one came today to fix my microwave...here's another prediction: tomorrow, while I sleep in prep for going back to work... someone will come to fix it and I won't get much sleep...we'll see.

I gave the maintenance folks a half a day before I decided to call the manager and complain. So around lunch time I called the front office but alas the manager was at lunch. So the assistant manager asked to help me (the same girl I spoke too yesterday). So instead of complain to her again, I decided to get more details about ending my lease earlier and get a final tally on how much this is going to set me back. I already have a pretty good idea and it is ugly! Anyway...she tells me that since I am moving because of my job, the manager waves the early termination fee...which folks is a savings of... drum roll please......$1400!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Um so never mind about the microwave! They can fix it... or not.... I don't care! But in the meantime...I wait. I turned in my 60 day notice to the apartment complex I'm in now so officially... I'm outta here! December 1st!

I talked to a travel agency today and got the ball rolling on applying with them. A recruiter was supposed to call me back but the receptionist told me they were having a new phone system installed and it would be several hours before i would hear back from the lady...still waiting. (see the theme?) But I was warned so no complaints. I called another recruiter but he was out of the office today. I'm sure I'll hear back from him about the same time someone comes to repair my microwave...haha! So at least there are 2 balls rolling toward my career on the road.

Let's see, what else happened today? UM... nothing to write home about. The DREADED trip to the grocery store finally happened...I decided I'm tired of food...tired of preparing it, eating it, storing it, cleaning up after it...so i got mostly meal shakes...they are easier when I work anyway. My fridge looks like a bachelor's. Its funny. I cleaned out the fridge...ya'll I had one HECK of a science experiment in there! G-R-O-S-S!!!! So I'm on my 2nd load of laundry for the day and I have plenty more domestic duties to occupy my time tonight.

I have to stay up late tonight so this may the first of several rambling blogs about nothing at all really...Hope you all had a great Tuesday!

Blog at ya later!

Its the most wonderful time....of the year!

Folks I believe it is officially Fall in Alabama! I turned my computer on around 1130 this morning and to my surprise the weather icon on my desktop only read 77 degrees! UMMMM.... that's huge! Sure 'nough when I walked Harper, the heat was...well, there was no heat! The sun was shining but there was the slightest hint of cool and there was a breeze to boot! I am SOOOOO excited! I LOVE fall! It is definitely my favorite season! The leaves are beginning to turn on the trees around my neighborhood, football is on every weekend (WARRRRR EAGLE!), sweaters and jeans are on display in the store windows, Fall wreaths and Halloween decorations are replacing beach towels and sunscreen in the Target aisles! I LOVE IT! I am so excited!

I have fallen in love with a new accessory... scarves! I bought two in as many days! I bought a very lively green one that I just so happen to be wearing as I type this and a grayish-black one that has silver stripes. These aren't the keep you warm in the winter type of scarves...just the drape around your neck, wear with anything scarves. They are cute and hide a...i wouldn't say a multitude...but a few sins around the midsection. Who doesn't love that???

I'm a little disgruntled with the maintenance folks at my apartment. My microwave died when Hurricane Fay came through town...i think its been over a month now. The power flickered and when it came back on, my microwave stayed off. So I called and reported it. I was told someone would come look at it. So when no one came and the next day, I called again... I was told that it wasn't considered an emergency and someone would get to it as soon as all the "emergencies" were taken care of. Fair enough... nearly 2 weeks went by and still nothing. Not even a phone call to update me on where I am on the repair list. So another week passes and I call again and talked to a very apologetic girl who seemed appalled at my brush off and ensuing wait. I was assured it would be taken care of and still... nearly 2 weeks later... NOTHING!!! I know its just a microwave... its not entirely a big deal... lots of folks don't have microwaves... but now its about principle and I'm getting mad! OK, so I am so fired up about this so i took a minute to call the front office and GUESS WHAT??? They LOST MY WORK ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am furious!!! I have called 4 times!!!! How do you lose a work order all of a sudden when at least 2 or 3 different people all looked it up and assured me that there was indeed a work order? I'm a bit curious about that! She assured me that someone will be here tomorrow to look at it...so we'll see! GEESH!!!

Let's see. No new plans on traveling with my job. However that may change tomorrow. I am supposed to talk with a couple of recruiters tomorrow. Still thinking out west somewhere.... but there's a lot of west to pick from so who knows. I started weeding out junk from my apartment and closet. I've also started packing things away that I plan to store since I will be living with 2 other people.. mostly books. I took a BIG step and threw out old nursing school stuff! I can't believe I did it! Its like a security blanket. But i haven't even begun to refer to it in 3 years so I figure I'm ok without it.

I am turning in my 60 day notice to my apartment complex soon to let them know that I won't be renewing and in fact ending my lease early. That's scary! I am officially moving! yay!

Sorry, I know this blog is long... its been a while. I'm adding a picture of one of my new scarves. Happy Monday night! Blog at ya later!

Leatherface...

I love a good tan! I feel better about myself when I have a nice glow... who doesn't? However a good tan can go awry...as is the case with my recent tanning overkill. I AM PEELING! UGH! My forehead feels unreal... like it doesn't belong to me! Its all scaly and dry... and still bright red mind you. My nose is all flaky and gross. Some sections have peeled off revealing very new, very tender, very pink skin underneath. So in addition to flaky, I have pink splotches on my nose. Unfortunately, there is no amount of lotion that makes it look any better :( There's no telling how long this will last as I'm sure I fried multiple layers of my skin. Sigh..

So again...SPF SPF SPF!!!!

Its on now!

I told my boss today that I'm planning on traveling after my contract is up. This kinda makes it official! I'm still not sure of the actual date that I will leave so I was kinda worried about what I would do if I don't get a travel contract pretty soon after my hospital contract ends... he assured me that I can work PRN (as needed) at the hospital until I leave with pretty much the same schedule I'm working now. So that's a huge relief. Plus my salary will pretty much be the same. It'll be a little pay cut but I have plenty of time to save some money just in case ;)

Also, we put a security deposit on an apartment today! YAY! I'm excited about that but at the same time I did a little investigating and realized that its going to cost a little more than I was expecting to break my lease a little early... No fun! I knew it would be expensive but I was thinking only a little inconvenient. NOPE! Gotta save up for this too! OH WELL!!! I'm really excited to travel and I guess I'm willing to make a few sacrifices to do so. Plus I should get all my money back after one or two paychecks with the travel company.

So we're planning to move December 1st... my fingers are crossed that we don't hit any huge snags along the way...

I had lunch with my girls today! I've known these girls FOREVER! One of them literally since we were in diapers. Its a bit like coming home to hang out with them. We don't get to see each other much and the time we do get together is usually a quick bite thanks to crazy work/baby schedules :) But it does my heart good to spend a few minutes catching up with these ladies! (I miss you Kimberly and Steph

So I'll end with a few pictures from the AU game last Saturday and the highlight of today's lunch... Ice CEAMaaa!



1/2 of Rebeccah, Jeff and I pre-game, pre-near melting, and pre-torrential downpour


TOUCH DOWN AUBURRRRRNNNNN!!!!!


One of the offending rain clouds... don't be fooled by it's fluffy exterior. It packed a brief, but soaking punch


One of the highlights of our lunch! Asher FINALLY got his ice cream! Its he the cutest?

My Tiger Stripes...

I am SO burned! Sunburned... not an all over, evenly dispersed shade of pink that will evolve into a golden brown, late summer glow. NO I am crispy fried... in patches! I have 2 random "V" shaped scald marks on my chest from the neckline of my shirt as well as the cute beads I was wearing. The back and side of my neck are a beautiful shade of FIRE RED since I had my hair in a ponytail. I have a nice farmer's tan on my arms and legs. However, it wasn't my entire leg that burned...just the tops of my knees....the ONLY part that bends...reminding me with every step that I should have remembered to take my SPF with me. My ears even have white circles on them where my cute little studs sheilded a small area from the sun. And my left wrist has a watch shaped singe mark. I can't escape the pain either. My hair just brushes the top of my shoulders where my neck is burned. It feels a bit like rubbing sandpaper on an open blister. And since I have to stand, and sit, and walk...my knees are a source of constant excruciating pain. Ya'll my knees are so tender it feels like driving needles into my leg just to apply aloe vera (the ONLY pain relieving medication i can find).

I haven't been this burned in YEARS! I think I was in 3rd grade the last time...WAY before we discovered just how important SPF is! I lathered up before I left the house but I was running late and I simply forgot to slip it into my bag. Where did I get such a toasting??? Why, the AU/So. MISS football game of course!! It felt a bit like we were sitting directly on the surface of the sun. Any hope I had of my sunscreen lasting, melted off probably 15 minutes after kick-off. So essentially I sat out in the direct mid-day sun for 4 hours straight! Um... yes I'll take skin cancer for a 100 Alex! My poor poor skin! Nothing I can do about it now but you better BELIEVE I will NEVER forget sunblock again! EVER!!!!!

We had a blast despite being boiled alive in the inferno that was Jordan-Hare Stadium... We cheered Auburn on to victory along with 81,000 of our closest friends! I'll have the memories until all the peeling stops!

WARRR EAGLE!!!!

I can't believe it's September already! My mom always said time flies when you get older...Man I had NO IDEA!!! I feel like it just turned 2008 and now its almost over! My days go by so fast and I have very little to show for them. OH well...

The past couple of weeks I've been apartment shopping with 2 of my best friends. We have been all over the city... in and out, up and down, both excited and unimpressed, but mostly we've been indecisive. Most of the conflict comes down to bedroom size. But the more we look, the more options we give ourselves and the longer it takes us to decide. So today the bit the bullet...We actually put in an application today to this brand spanking new complex. We are awaiting news as to whether or not we are approved. Its nerve wracking. We're still working out all the details about when we will move in and when Rebeccah and I will start traveling but the plans are definitely in the works. I'm getting more and more excited about traveling the more I think about it!

My grandmother turns 80 next week! She doesn't seem a day over...oh say 60 :) She is starting to have more and more joint problems but if i can be half as spry at 80 as she is... bring on the joint problems! I am blessed to have her in my life! Thanks be to God for her!

I'm going to the AU/So. Miss game tomorrow! YAY!!! Its an 11:30a.m. game which should prove to be hot as blue blazes but I am excited nonetheless! I'll post pictures (hopefully) later. WAR EAGLE everyone!

My vacuum is a CHAMP!!!!

i just spent an hour and a half vacuuming my car. To most this may seem a little extreme but Libby (my car) had about 6 years worth of Harper hair embedded into the carpet of the trunk space and floor board. So I kinda feel an hour and a half was a breeze to remove EVERY SINGLE dog hair! Now don't get me wrong, I have vacuumed my car many times since her purchase but nothing (including the industrial strength vacuum cleaners at professional car cleaning places) has been able to extract these furry nuisances. They were NO MATCH for my mean, green Eureka bag less vacuum! THis puppy is AMAZING! Libby is now fur-less and shiny like the day I bought her! I am no longer apologetic when new folks, or even old folks who are used to her fuzzy decor, hop in for a ride. YAY!!! I know Libby feels better too! She's like a new woman.. all clean and ready to ride... now, where should we go????

rain drops, lawyer meetings and light bulbs

Fay came through Saturday night dumping TONS of rain... and she's back again today doing the same thing! I love rainy days... but let me clarify. I love rainy days when I have no other plans but to stay home, chill on the couch and watch a Lifetime Television movie. There is nothing I hate more than being outdoors during a torrential downpour while trying to maintain a presentable appearance. I don't know about you but in the rain, my hair frizzes to unbelievable heights and my makeup melts to near disappearance. So imagine my frustration in having to attend a meeting this morning with the hospital attorney during the tornado warnings and blinding rainfall!! UGH!!!!

My meeting with the hospital attorney went well this morning. I think I blogged about this issue earlier. I am being sued as part of a lawsuit against the hospital I work for. I can't give a lot of details but I can tell you that my lawyer told me today that I have been ruled out as having anything to do with the reason the hospital is being sued. I had no doubt ;) It seems that the family's lawyer is just trying to get the family as much money as he can and there is no cap on how much money you can get by suing individuals like there is when you sue an organization like a hospital in general. Its a good idea... if the accusations were founded. But since they are not, my lawyer is going to file a motion on my behalf to dismiss this case. So that's good news! However, he said we may still have to present it to the judge and I may still have to sit through depositions. But that's OK. I'll do what I have to do to clear my name. All I have to say is THANK GOODNESS for accurate charting!

So since the rain has let up a bit... I ventured out to Wal-Mart because I had MAYBE 3 light bulbs in my house that were working and not nearly enough to replace them all. I decided I would try the new energy efficient ones...you know the swirly shaped light bulbs. I'm pretty excited about them. They claim to save hundreds of dollars a year on your power bill. My power bill isn't outrageous but who doesn't like to save money? So we'll see what happens. I can tell you that the light they put off is excellent! It's a bit like sitting on the sun in my apartment! WOW!!! I'll keep ya posted on my power bill savings!

So for now, I'm gonna put my frizzy hair in a ponytail, dry off, find a movie to watch, and listen to it rain... maybe I'll do some chore like laundry.. who knows.

Happy Monday!

There she BLOWS!!!

I'm listening to tropical Storm Fay blow through town! I LOVE IT! I only wish it were stormier. I know that is twisted (no pun intended) But there is nothing I love more than a good stormy day. I love curling up on the couch watching the rain blow in sideways while the trees hold on for dear life! Fay is not that bad right now though. Its just kinda grey, wet and gusty outside but my fingers are crossed for more... not displaced trees and ripped up rooftops but I'm definitely hoping for more drama from mother nature!

So Happy Saturday storm watching!

to travel or not to travel...

So as a nurse I have the option to stay around here and work and make pretty decent money and experience some pretty exciting things... ORRRRR I can contract myself out to other hospitals around the country/globe and make MORE money and experience exciting things in different surroundings, PLUS see the country. I've always thought that I would choose the latter of the two as my career path. During my college years I did a fair amount of moving around and now have a not so good taste in my mouth about living out of suitcases and not having one place to call home per se.

BUT... things at my current place of employment are not so good financially or administratively and I've been thinking and praying about trying my hand at travel nursing. I'm not 100% guaranteed that the hospital will renew my contract and I can't afford to live off the salary they pay full time nurses. Plus the management seems more concerned with dollar signs rather than patient care and I'm finding more and more that my values and work ethic clash with them.

However, I have some reservations about traveling. 1. My apartment. I don't want to leave my things unattended for 8-13 weeks at a time. And I don't know or trust anyone enough to sublet my apartment (and I'm not sure if my complex managers will allow it). And I don't like the idea or storing my belongings in a storage shed for who knows how long. 2. If I store my stuff, where will I come back to when I end a contract? I can't very well stay with my mom... my brother lives there and he and I do better when there is a LOT of silence and even more distance between us. 3. I'm nervous. I've gotten used to the doctors I work for and the procedures we take care of. I sorta know what I'm doing. I'm PRETTY sure health care is universal but I don't know. I'm afraid of looking dumb in someone else's playground. 4. I don't want to go by myself. plain and simple... I'm a social kinda girl and I want to do this with someone else. 5. I will miss my friends here SOOOO much. And that makes me sad enough to consider not going.

All that to get the real point of this blog. I've been talking to a friend of mine off and on about traveling together. She's on board completely but also has some of the same reservations. We've both been praying about it privately and trying to discern if now is the right time to go. I recently spoke with another nurse about traveling with us and she was interested going with us... turns out she is. Plus a friend of mine wants to get a place of his own and offered for us to share it with him so we could have a place to come home to and keep our things while we are away. So things look like they might be falling into place to go travel. There are still a lot of kinks that need to be ironed out and details that need to be planned. But the general consensus is that after the first of year, we'll shoot for all these changes. I ask for your prayers in trying to make sure this is a positive step in my life and career. God knows my concerns and I pray He will address them in no uncertain terms. He know me and knows I need CLEAR and precise road maps when it comes to directing the paths of my life. I need the courage to just take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves.

I'll keep ya posted.

Catching up...

I haven't written in about 2 weeks or so.. maybe longer. I've been kinda out of commission. I had a terribly emotional week at work followed by a 3 day migraine (no doubt stressed induced) companied by 4 or 5 days of insomnia. So needless to say i haven't had much to blog about. Things are going well otherwise. Nothing exciting. I am so enjoying the Olympics! I am so stinking proud of our athletes! I think I've teared up everytime I've watched a medal ceremony!

My week off hasn't been all bad. I did manage to make it to a play at the Shakespeare Theatre! WEST SIDE STORY to be exact! YAY!!! It was so good! I had the BEST seats EVER! I even saw a guy changing backstage...haha. Bonus behind the scenes footage! HAHA!

I saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. It was just a cute as the first one. Although WAY more despressing than I had anticipated. The ending left an opening for more. I could see Sisterhood of the Traveling Wedding Dresses on the horizon ;)

Its been raining ALL day today! The high temperature was only in the 70's today! Unbelievable for this time of the year in Alabama. I am so excited about fall. But I know this is just a tease. Just gotta enjoy it while it lasts!

I'm about to begin another 7 days on... I'm not looking forward to it at all. Things have been a little tense between the nurses I work with and we've had some really intense situations lately... the kind that stick with you. (example.. my last patient had to be defibrillated 137 times in a 24 hour period... and he walked out of the hospital!) I'm praying for enough work to stay busy but NO DRAMA!!!! No sudden train wrecks or prolonged drain circling. No combative and/or crazy folks. No demanding princesses. No out of control God complexes. Please Lord let this be an ordinary week at the "office".

I'm excited about a few things coming up on the calendar...
1. The beginning of AU football! WAARRRR EAGLE!!!
2. The start of the fall season of reality tv and reality based sitcoms! Grey's in particular
3. a trip to ATL to see the broadway production of Wicked! Happy Birthday to me!!!

To end this ho-hum blog... here's a picture of Harper trying her best to convince me that it would be in her best interst to have some of what I am eating...she almost got her point across....almost :)

BIG ol' from the belly...sigh

OK so I've been awake for nearly an hour. I have to go to work tonight and I can't make myself get up and get ready. there is nothing I can say to myself that makes me want to walk through the doors of my unit. I have had another horrifyingly emotional week at work and its only my Wednesday... I have 4 more days not including tonight to go. Normally I love going to work. I love being a nurse. I love taking care of people. I love being challenged by the unexpected. I have to distance myself from my patients a lot of the times in the name of self preservation and mental alertness. I have to try to block myself from becoming too emotionally involved otherwise I would not be able to perform my sometimes unpleasant duties. However the last two weeks, I have had patients who had struck me to the core and have knocked me to my knees by their situations. I feel certain it is God speaking through them and their circumstances to teach me things about Him and myself and life in general. I recognize that and BELIEVE ME... 10-4 I'm reading loud and clear. But it's leaving me emotionally drained. All i want to do is sit and ponder or just be with my patients and my Lord. Unfortunately I have other things I have to think about at work. I have to focus. I have to be alert and on my game. I feel like I'm in a fog, a daze and on the verge of tears. While I appreciate very much the lessons God gives to me and very much want to see Him in action, I need some time to think and absorb and repair my heart. I need a break! I don't want to be disengaged at work. I feel I owe it to my patients to be able to connect to the person who quite literally sometimes hold theirs lives in their hands. But I'm going to fall apart if I keep going like this. I have got to somehow find a balance again. But no time now... I'm running late now. Sigh....chin up kid...just do whatcha gotta do.

My dog has no shame...

I think my dog is an exhibitionist! Seriously! Everytime we go out for a potty break, I take her to this area that the leasing office dictates she goes to do what dogs do...and honestly if I had to do my business outdoors, I would pick a spot like this. Its behind all the buildings, there are trees everywhere, no one is ever back there, no one can see from the parking lot. Its perfect! But this girl...she just stands there and looks at me like "what?". She WILL NOT go until we walk around to the front of the comlpex, near the lake...where its wide open, cars driving by, its well lit at night, people are usually walking with their children...and there's Harper on top of the grassy knoll-ish area for all the world to see...fertilizing the landscaping! UGH! WHY WHY WHY can't she just run around back to do this? Why the production in wide open spaces? AND she HAS to pick the area where I have to clean up after her. REALLY HARPER???? REALLY? grrr...

Its impossible... who knew?

Here's some randomness to get your day started. Did you know that is is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to eat 6 Saltine crackers in 1 minute? Well it is. I saw it tested! On Good Morning America, all four hosts tried it and all four failed! I never knew this NOR did I realize that this was someone's goal. Hmmm... the things you learn on early morning TV! Hope this enriched your day!

Happy Tuesday!

I HAVE to do it!!!

My pantry is bare. My fridge is reduced to a few blueberries and some cheese...oh and Diet Dr. Pepper. I HAVE to go grocery shopping! And I'm fighting it tooth and nail. I HATE HATE HATE IT!!!!! I thought I was just being lazy because I drag my feet everytime my cabinets get bare. But I've realized that grocery shopping is a source of anxiety for me. If I'm anything, I'm indecisive. True to Libra form, I would much rather let other people decide and I'll just follow a long. The grocery store is one decision after another. It should be easy...I'm feeding myself. I know what I like to eat. But I am trying to add variety to my life, especially to my diet and I get tired of eating the same ol' same ol'. I'm so tired of prepackaged foods I could scream and my mind is BLANK as I try to think of something new and fresh. I'm completely overwhelmed as I wander around trying to decide what would be good... what haven't I had before... what can I cook and freeze or what will last me all week long as I work...UGH! Decisions Decisions!

But I'm starving and I can't survive on blueberries and cheese... And although my spirit COULD possibly survive on Diet Dr. Pepper alone, eventually I'm gonna need some protein...sigh. So here I go....grrrr

Stuff in my head and on my calendar.

My work week goes from wednesday to wednesday so today begins a week worth of saturdays for me and I cannot tell you how glad I am for a weekend. We have hard days at work but rarely a full week of hard days. This week being the exception to the rule. I don't remember being this tired...EVER in my life. I tend to exaggerate a bit, sometimes, but HOLY COW I'm tired.

This is my plan for today...

1. Put on Pajamas or something of the sort....CHECK
2. Let Harper go potty....CHECK
3. breathe...doing it...
4...yeah that's where the list ends!

I'm doing nothing that requires ANY effort WHATSOEVER at all today... I MAY shower...I will probably eat something but past that folks... I don't wanna even think too hard.

Harper is finally legally a resident in my apartment. I had her hidden like contraband for about a week. I needed to pay the pet fee but the office is not open when I get home in the a.m. and closed when I get up to go to work. I was late coming home today so I was able to pay the fee. So yay! No fear of being busted by the bug guy or filter-changer guy.

Speaking of bug guy.... I have one...a bug guy... so tell me WHY did I find a roach chillin' on my livingroom rug the other day??? This should not be so! I pay good money for bug killing service! I expect there to be NO bugs within my bubble of existence. (again I reference the above comment about my exaggerating) But still... no bugs please! thanks!

I think I'm going to go shopping Friday. I have plans to go see West Side Story at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival this weekend. (SUPER excited!!!) The dress I'm planning to wear I think is calling out for an accessory or two.. maybe a cardigan or something of the sort. ORRRRR i might be hearing the call of a new outfit. Plus I'm nervous about something and I think retail therapy will help the situation.

I'm nervous because I got a call saying the hospital attorney wants me to attend a meeting about a lawsuit against the hospital. Apparently someone died and my name is in the chart along with a GAZILLION other people as having taken care of the patient. Now the family is suing the hospital for whatever reason so everone involved has to be interviewed. I really shouldn't be nervous. I have nothing to hide. It's just a reality check that my job is very serious. I've been told it's no big deal really, just a formality, but i've never been involved in a lawsuit before so I'm a bit on edge. The meeting is Friday @ 8 a.m. Honestly, I probably won't be able to shed any light on the subject. The patient was in our facility in 2006. Um.... I can't remember 2 days ago....much less 2006.... We'll see. But I'm thinking I'll shop to blow off steam. ;)

I want to take more pictures of my life. I wish I was creative enough to take fun random yet meaningful, storytelling type pictures. maybe I'll practice.... maybe i'll let you see... this is a random thought so don't hold me too it. but its a thought...

ok so how's that for a random blog? Here's a picture that kinda sums up work for me.. its a mess of wires and tubes and machines and chaos and it all makes sense to me. I'm beginning the "zoned out" mode in 3...2...1...

Happy Wednesday!




"life support"

caught her red handed...er...pawed

So Harper has known me for about 8 years now and for the most part, she has it pretty good in life. She gets treats and squeaky toys on a pretty regular basis. She gets the occasional people-food-mixed-with-dog-food dinner. She has free reign of the house when I'm not home. There are only a couple of rules. Walking on the leash (we don't pull, we stay with Aubrey, we don't cross the street until she says so, we stop when she says) she's gotten down to a science. The furniture rule... well...She KNOWS there are 2 and only 2 places she is NOT, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, allowed. That would be my bed.... and the couch. My bed I don't worry about seeing as it is too tall for her not-so-good back legs to boost her up on. The couch though takes no effort for her at all and closely resembles the biggest dog bed you've ever seen. And since my dog thinks she deserves royal treatment, she often tests my seriousness of this rule. Its not that I want her to be uncomfortable. Hence I bought a huge pillow for her to lounge on...on the floor. I just can't stand dog hair on the furniture. Actually I LOATHE it! And I.. (what word is stronger than loathe?) the hair left on my clothes especially since I wear a lot of black. SO I have ingrained in her little brain that the couch is OFF LIMITS!!!!

That little sneak has only been with me at my new apartment, with my new couches for a week-ish. Darn if I didn't open the door this morning to find her tail LAID OUT.. PASSED OUT on my couch! I've never seen her jump so fast! I could help but laugh at the pitiful, I-know-I've-done-wrong-please-don't-kill-me look plastered on that cute little mug of hers. She was scolded but I'm not sure how effective discipline is though laughter... we'll see. I may have to resort to barricades....now i'm off to find that big roll of masking tape to de-fuzz my couch as Harper snoozes in the corner. I think she's trying to lay low. haha!

Happy Sunday!

a couple of the hardest days ever....

*disclaimer* this blog is long winded so hang on...

Since I'm a nurse and since I work in a Cardiac Critical Care Unit, it should go without saying that I experience a lot of death. I have seen death in all shapes, sizes, creeds, and colors. I've seen beautiful ones where an old woman was gently eased to sleep in the arms of her sweetheart of 63 years as he whispered "wait for me at the gait baby" in her ear. I've watched a young man scream in agony, the most gut wrenching scream as his 23 yr old fiance and unborn child slipped away. I've gotten messy during CODES where the doctors and nurses have fought for hours to reverse/stop the inevitable. I've worked on people for days, keeping vigil, changes IVs, and seeing them through close calls. I've seen families wrestle with last wishes and nagging reality. I've turned off breathing machines and stopped life sustaining drips. Through it all, I've cried, been disappointed, relieved, tired, scared, mad, touched, blessed, and in the presence of God. Usually I walk away from a death feeling as though it was an effort well made; that we did all we could have possibly done or we allowed for dignity in those last moments. Never have I felt so helpless as I have the past 2 days.

I had the honor of taking care of a man with whom I, from the moment we met, felt connected to. He was homeless, had no family to speak of and was VERY sick. His personality was priceless. He was happy despite his dire situation and I could sense a peace in his spirit...kinda like he was just along for the ride. Not a care in the world it seemed, although I'm sure he had his fair share of trials and worries.

I'll try not to bore you with medical terms but just to give you an idea of how sick he was... he had what we call 3 vessel disease. This means the 3 main arteries that supply oxygenated blood to your heart muscle were occluded. It was determined that each vessel was 95% blocked meaning he need Bypass Surgery (open heart surgery). Unfortunately he also had some other health problems that made it impossible for him to have this surgery. His lungs were so stiff from years of smoking that they would not support him well enough for him to survive. There was nothing we could do. So my job was to keep him comfortable, control his pain and help him breathe. Easy enough right?

During my first night with him, we started off fine. His breathing was a bit labored but he assured me he was OK; that he normally breathed that way. He didn't seem to be distressed but I was unnerved by how hard it was for him to breathe. I kept an eye on his O2 sats and tried not to worry. Well...he didn't stay OK for long. A heart that is deprived of oxygen gets angry and wants attention and that is exactly what his did. the doctors had to place a device in his aorta to try and give his heart a break as well as supply it with more oxygen. This device requires the patient lie flat on their back and not move AT ALL. At one point his heart rate grew as high as 175 beats per minute. (normal is 60-90) His blood pressure was 60/40 (normal is 120/80). He began to experience pain and have a harder time breathing. Here's where it gets hard for me. Can you imagine lying flat on your back with your tummy (his was big) putting pressure on your already stressed lungs while your heart is beating like you've run a marathon and you have muscle cramps up and down your back and legs from not moving for over 12 hours? he was in agony. he kept reaching out for someone to hold his hand and help him through his misery. He was begging me to make his pain stop. My hands were tied. I gave him meds to slow his heart and increase his blood pressure to keep him alive but because his pressure was so low, pain medicine was out of the question. I would have killed him.

So there I stood for hours with this man at death's door, wanting peace, wanting relief, begging for help...I had everything he needed and it was just out of my reach. I felt utterly helpless and the deepest part of my core ached to help him. I felt like I was watching someone drown and I just couldn't throw the life preserver far enough. I have all the skills and medicines to save his life but I can't use them. All I could do was hold his hand, wipe the cold sweat away, and apologize to him for allowing him to suffer. I wanted desperately to do more...to do something different. After a couple of hours stifled panic, I got his pressure up enough to give him some medicine to ease the pain. Soon after I hear him calling for me. I entered the room to find a completely different man. He was smiling from ear to ear and reaching for me. "There she is!", he said. "I just wanted to tell you I feel good". "Whatever you gave me, I feel so good now". All i could do was smile through the tears. I felt better too.

My second night with him was alot different. His heart was back in "normal" rhythm. His blood pressure was unstable, but supported by medications. He slept a lot because we found a medicine that didn't effect his blood pressure. He decided to allow his death to occur naturally so there would be no heroic measures, only peace and comfort. He was scared at times though. He asked me not to leave him alone. So I sat with him and watched him sleep, catching his eye every now and again as he checked to make sure he wasn't alone. His heart and breathing began to slow at 4:30 this morning and I held his hand as it all stopped. He wasn't alone and he doesn't hurt anymore. I am relieved for him and thankful that I wasn't as helpless in the end.

my silver lining day...

so here's some personal info... i woke up today feeling like my uterus was gnawing at my backbone and I truly felt like I should have a small human or something of the like for my pain and suffering... I hurt just that bad. So when a friend of mine called and suggested we have lunch together.... NO WAY!!!! was the only answer I considered... at first... I decided to put my pain aside and showered. I did my hair and make up and put on a cute sun dress in hopes I would feel better. It helped a little. We had hamburgers and frosty beverages for lunch... neither of which I have had in a very long time. (my uterine discomfort fading into a faint memory at this point). We decided the day would not be complete without a stop at the local World Market where I found the cutest necklace. Its 4 strand of orange-ish beads that scream WAR EAGLE when paired with my cute navy sun dress! YAY! (I'm feeling so ready for football season!) Well, since we were so close to a plethora of other retail venues, we felt obligated to stop by and offer our support. I found a to-die-for hand bag at Dillards and an AWESOME new mirror for my living room at Kirklands....and to top it all off... ALL ON SALE!!! Yes sir! No full price for me! As if this day couldn't get any better...cramps long gone... yummy-delish-oh-so-fattening-lunch....and sales! I'd say it turned out to be a pretty good day. I'm feeling refreshed, rejuventated and ready to face a long work week ahead. Well I wouldn't got that far but I'm definitely feeling a lot better than when I first opened my eyes...


my cutsie necklace

my cutsie new bag

my cutsie new mirror...which i'm sure will look better on the wall ;)

Its official... I have ADD

I've always suspected this but in retracing the events of the past oh say... 20 minutes, I'm convinced. See what had happened was... I was reorganizing the contents of my closet, which had begun to spill out into the middle of my bathroom floor (for those of you who have seen my closet know that this is a huge feat and might resemble a small but mighty explosion). Anyway, all of a sudden I look down to realize that I was on the computer. How did that happen? I remember thinking about the salad I had for lunch today and wondering if it were really as good for me as advertized. I guess decided in the middle of cleaning that I needed to find out how many calories I had consumed...then I found myself on myspace leaving comments on my friends' pages and of course I needed to check my email which triggered the need to catch up on blogs. Somewhere in all this surfing I remembered an Aramaic phrase I wanted to learn the correct spelling and translation for so... Off I went to a website that would tell me. I realized in the middle of all this searching and researching that I was supposed to be cleaning out my closet!And so now here I am...writing a blog while talking on the phone and making a mental note of about 20 other things I need to do in the next little bit/days. My mind feels like a fly caught in a screen door... trying desperately to get somewhere but pinging out of control from one spot to the next...aaahhhhh!!!

ok... I'm closing this thing up and I am going to fold clothes and ONLY fold clothes...maybe :) we'll see how long I last!

Let's see what kinda fun brunettes have...

I change my hair like I change my shoes... ALOT! I've been wanting to go brown for a while... so I did. I think I like it. Its subtle but its definitely brown. Here's a pic... excuse the expression ;)

I'm hard work...

I took a nice long look at my time and energy and where I spend most of it and very little of it has to do with myself or my well being. I give up everything from time to sleep to self esteem in order to "be there" for other people... its getting me nowhere. I hate the way I feel... always tired, short tempered, sad... I'm just plain tired of not taking care of myself.

I decided to change that. I started with sleep. I can deal with a lot of things... but not when I'm tired. I committed myself to at least 8 hours of sleep a night... NO MATTER WHAT! I've had to tell people "no" in order to stay true to my committment! But its paying off. I feel so much better! I have all the benefits of sleep.. more energy, more patience, and more concentration! GO figure!

I didn't stop there. Along with sleep, the need to change the way I eat became BLARINGLY obvious. My work schedule makes it extremely difficult to eat well. I don't enjoy cooking for myself so most of what I eat comes from the cafeteria at work or a restaurant along the way... eating poorly definitely takes it toll. Truth be told it was just an excuse. So I started keeping track of what goes in my mouth and if it wasn't fresh and/or prepared at home, I wasn't going to eat it. I set a calorie limit and goals of no longer drinking soda... only water ( and the occasional green tea..i need SOME caffeine); eating mainly fruits and vegetables and making sure I get enough protein and fiber to balance everything out. THIS IS HARD!!! It takes a lot of time to THINK about what I'm eating and if the calories are worth it. I also started working out more.... sometimes its just a 30 minute walk.. but it counts. So far I've lost about 6 pounds! YAY!!! Of course I want to lose weight but more importantly I want to be healthy. I work in a place where the results of years of poor lifestyle decisions are apparent and frightening! Its not something I can afford to ignore anymore.

What a difference two weeks and a change of focus can make. Spending time...deliberate attention directed toward myself has made a world of difference. I'm making changes that effect my physical body but the mental/emotional changes that come along with them are amazing. For the first time in my life I am spending time making myself happy and I love it. I feel happier and my spirit is more at peace. I am comfortable for the first time in a long time. I'm working on not feeling guilty... I still hate telling people no. But in time... in time...

Taking care of myself is hard work but I am enjoying it! I'm starting to feel like I deserve it. I'm sure with time it'll all come a little more naturally so I'm committed to that end!