Anticipation....

I've decided I don't like it! AT ALL!! I can't stand surprises...unless its a total surprise and I don't see it coming. Christmas presents under the tree taunt me, waiting to hear good or bad news drives me crazy. At work, when things are about to go bad with a patient, I hate waiting for it to happen. I don't know what to do with my self while I wait. Not knowing what's to come makes my mind race with possible outcomes and or plans of action I might need to take. I can't sleep, I can't think, I wonder, worry and stew over what might or might not be/happen... Anticipation is not good for me (and a recent discovery, my health either)!

Right now my life is full of anticipation. In 24 days I close on my house. But first I'm waiting to see if I save enough for the down payment and closing costs. So between each paycheck, I DIE waiting to see if I've made enough. I'm waiting...simply waiting to move. I am excited and CANNOT wait to live in my house. In the meantime, my time and head are filled with anticipating the move... switching utilities, changing my address, hiring movers, packing, settling things with my apartment folks. I'm getting married. OF COURSE I'm excited but my again my head is spinning while I wait. And then there's work which I think is the biggest thing that's getting to me. All the previously mentioned activities/festivities require money, money, money.

My job these days is not going well at all. Currently my unit is closed meaning I don't exactly have a place to work.(this is the 5th time since May) Because I am full time, I am usually guaranteed my hours but the census all over the hospital is low so that's not been happening. So everyday that I'm scheduled to work, I have to wait to find out if I actually do get to work. Hence the added anticipation of whether or not my paycheck will be enough (and the cycle continues).

So now with all the anticipation of the house and wedding, I find myself looking for a new job. One that will lessen the fear of not making enough money. I have a few leads but as this is a holiday, I can't truly pursue anything until tomorrow. SO again I wait.

I am praying so hard to trust that God will provide for me. I think He might be having a hard time getting through to me. I know (with my head) that He is capable and wants nothing more than to take care of me. I'm just having a hard time believing with my heart. But I'm trying. I'm praying for peace of mind and a calm spirit so that I can hear and feel where I am being lead. I know He has good things in store for me and my life. I just need to be patient and wait for them to happen. (there I go waiting again) I have to remember that it's God time schedule and not mine. So I'm going to trust and wait on the Lord. I am going to boldly trust Him with my life. I just hope He forgives my accidental mistrust.

THE COUNTDOWN IS ONNNN!!!!

So in exactly 29 days i will be signing my life away and officially purchasing my house! I can't believe the time has come!!!! I am so excited! Just let keep our fingers crossed that my unit stays open and I work all the days I have scheduled!

I am on the schedule tonight and so far the unit is open so I'm off to go get ready! Good day folks...good day!

Hope everyone else is having a good day!