Let's see what kinda fun brunettes have...

I change my hair like I change my shoes... ALOT! I've been wanting to go brown for a while... so I did. I think I like it. Its subtle but its definitely brown. Here's a pic... excuse the expression ;)

I'm hard work...

I took a nice long look at my time and energy and where I spend most of it and very little of it has to do with myself or my well being. I give up everything from time to sleep to self esteem in order to "be there" for other people... its getting me nowhere. I hate the way I feel... always tired, short tempered, sad... I'm just plain tired of not taking care of myself.

I decided to change that. I started with sleep. I can deal with a lot of things... but not when I'm tired. I committed myself to at least 8 hours of sleep a night... NO MATTER WHAT! I've had to tell people "no" in order to stay true to my committment! But its paying off. I feel so much better! I have all the benefits of sleep.. more energy, more patience, and more concentration! GO figure!

I didn't stop there. Along with sleep, the need to change the way I eat became BLARINGLY obvious. My work schedule makes it extremely difficult to eat well. I don't enjoy cooking for myself so most of what I eat comes from the cafeteria at work or a restaurant along the way... eating poorly definitely takes it toll. Truth be told it was just an excuse. So I started keeping track of what goes in my mouth and if it wasn't fresh and/or prepared at home, I wasn't going to eat it. I set a calorie limit and goals of no longer drinking soda... only water ( and the occasional green tea..i need SOME caffeine); eating mainly fruits and vegetables and making sure I get enough protein and fiber to balance everything out. THIS IS HARD!!! It takes a lot of time to THINK about what I'm eating and if the calories are worth it. I also started working out more.... sometimes its just a 30 minute walk.. but it counts. So far I've lost about 6 pounds! YAY!!! Of course I want to lose weight but more importantly I want to be healthy. I work in a place where the results of years of poor lifestyle decisions are apparent and frightening! Its not something I can afford to ignore anymore.

What a difference two weeks and a change of focus can make. Spending time...deliberate attention directed toward myself has made a world of difference. I'm making changes that effect my physical body but the mental/emotional changes that come along with them are amazing. For the first time in my life I am spending time making myself happy and I love it. I feel happier and my spirit is more at peace. I am comfortable for the first time in a long time. I'm working on not feeling guilty... I still hate telling people no. But in time... in time...

Taking care of myself is hard work but I am enjoying it! I'm starting to feel like I deserve it. I'm sure with time it'll all come a little more naturally so I'm committed to that end!

I want one.....

folks I think my biological clock is ticking.... I know and am in direct contact with... count them 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! women who are pregnant or have in the last week or so, given birth. Today while I was sitting in the nail salon....I swear I saw 17 pregnant women walk past the ONLY window I had to gaze out! Not to mention grandmothers with their itty bitty granddaughters out for a stroll (no doubt to give mommy some much needed alone time), the dads taking their sons to tae kwon do (sp) down the street, and the countless parents pushing strollers in my apt. complex! I'm surrounded and I can't help but feel a little left out... I've always wanted to be a mom and I LOVE LOVE LOVE children... I just feel like my time is running out! It makes me so sad.... What's a girl to do? Sigh... maybe I'll get a puppy...

Happiness is....

the beach, shopping, sea food, my mom and grandmother in a small hotel room. I spent a few days at Orange Beach this past week with my 2 favorite people in the world. We took our bathing suits, flip flops, tanks tops and shorts and left town leaving stress, bad moods and pretenses at home and just had fun. We did nothing but everything we wanted too! We began the day on the beach just as the sun was coming up. We shopped bargains at the outlet mall. We ate unGodly amounts of delicious food. And ended each day right where it began... I needed this weekend so badly. My hometown was beginning to feel like four walls closing me in. I needed to escape and remember what it feels like to spend time with people who have only love for me. I needed to see God's handy work in plain view. I needed to be out of touch for a while and concentrate on renewing my spirit. I feel like a whole new person. Amazing what a vacation can do!!!! here are just a few pictures...

Oh the boredom..

I'm at work. It's 1:30 a.m. Everyone that I am responsible for is tucked in, sleeping like babies with beautiful blood pressures, chest pain free... and I am insanely bored. I am torn... to wish for something to do means someone's life has to take a turn for the worse... I CAN'T wish for that and yet there's only so much internet that I'm interested in surfing. oh dear this is a long night and I have 2 more to go in this work week!!!!! sigh!