I am absolutely, positively, in-my-bones exhausted! I have had the most emotional week this week. And its only Thursday...6 a.m. on Thursday.

I've been building a house as everyone knows. AND planning a wedding... So with both of those things comes the need for lots of money. I've been working like my life depends on it for several months now, putting EVERY un-allotted penny into savings. I've gone without...you should see my hair and my toes! The usually freshly painted piggies are naked and my heels are beginning to feel like sandpaper (how that's possible when my feet are constantly in shoes is beyond me). Don't get me started on the 2 shades darker roots that are making their way to my ears...and the grey hair!!!!! My WORD!

I'm at the home stretch with saving for my house. I've got just a little more money to save but the couple of extra shifts at work should tie up loose ends and even allow for a hefty down payment on the weding cruise. EXCEPT....... my unit at work closed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But wait, mine isn't the only one. There are 2 ICU's that have indefintely shut down!

My hospital has become very budget conscious lately and the powers that be are going to extreme measures to get back into the black. The nurses are taking a huge hit. I have no idea when I'll be able to work a full schedule. I've been lucky the past couple of days and have picked up some of my shifts in another unit. I was informed though that I can't keep doing that for several reasons. 1. I have to be available for my unit in case it re-opens despite the fact that there are no plans for that, 2. Other nurses (who's units have closed or who actually belong to the open units) can work too.

On top of not knowing when I'm going to work, I used up all my PTO (vacation time) because A. this isn't the first time this has happened, B. I was sick several months back and had to miss some work, C. I wasn't able to work a few days this closing so I had to use what was left.

I'm so conflicted! I have so many financial demands right now. I am scared to DEATH that I'm not going to be able to keep up and I'm going to lose what I've been working so hard for. I've been looking at job options available out there. The search has been dismal at best. I've always wanted to do what I'm doing now. The thought of starting something new...especially right now, is daunting. I can't imagine being another kind of nurse. I've toyed with the idea of going back to school but now is also not a good time. With Chris being in school and taking on a new mortage, I think that would be taking on too much.

I'm tryin to stay positive. I'm praying that the unit will re-open and I can resume work as usual. It's so hard to have faith that things are going to be ok with the obstacles seem insurrmountable. But I guess that's when you need faith the most...

On a different note...my mom and grandmother are meeting the in-laws this weekend. We're all driving over to GA to spend some quality time with one another before we all become hitched. It should be fun. I like my in-laws. I think I lucked out. I could use some time away to forget about work or lack thereof. Should be fun! I'll let ya know how it goes!